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By Suryagni Roy: Abhishek Ray and Chaitanya Sharma, a gay couple, made headlines last year after they tied the knot in a grand social wedding as per Hindu rituals in Kolkata.
Abhishek, a fashion designer from Kolkata, met Chaitanya, a digital marketing expert from Gurugram, on Facebook in 2020.
It’s almost a year that Abhishek and Chaitanya tied the knot. And as the Supreme Court, after a marathon hearing on pleas seeking the legalisation of same-sex marriage, reserved its order, the couple shared their post-wedding journey and talked about the need for a legal framework to guard homosexual marriages in the country.
It’s almost a year to your wedding. What kind of reaction have you two got? Did you face apathy?
Abhishek: Yes, there is apathy, but there is also a lot of love. Ours was a close-knit wedding with almost 250 people, including our families. The apathy we received was on social media. However, we were mentally prepared.
We received a lot of praise through texts, appreciating our bold step, which has given courage to a lot of couples to do the same. The fact is that it is a fundamental right and not a criminal offence, and we can live our lives in our own ways. There was positivity and negativity. Though we didn’t know initially how to handle it, someone had to do it the way we did it.
Chaitanya: There were more positive responses and just one or two negative comments. After we resumed our work, the response was amazing.
How did your closest family members react when you told them that you two wanted to get married?
Chaitanya: I had told Abhishek that I wanted to have a grand wedding, and he spoke to my mother. Initially, my family wanted to understand how big the plan was. The family was concerned that some group, be it political or social, would vandalise our wedding venue.
Abhishek: We could have affected many people with what we were doing. Thankfully nothing happened. Receptiveness of Kolkata was an eye-opener for us. We were accepted so well. Many people think Kolkata is a backward city, but our wedding proved those notions wrong.
Chaitanya: We did what is still the dream of so many same-sex couples.
How did the families react when you told them that you wanted to marry someone from your own sex?
Abhishek: They were aware that I was a homosexual, and I had made it clear that if I settled down, it would be with a man. We have an age gap of 11 years, I could foresee things, and I had to make them understand. Some elders in our families had no clue about our orientation, but we had to tell them.
Chaitanya: We explained to our families that it was normal and not wrong. They were taken aback but were supportive and put haldi on us. From a 2-year-old to an 85-year-old, everyone attended the wedding ceremony. My extended family members told my mother what was the need to go for a grand wedding and announce to society, but our families were ready to go social.
If the Supreme Court rules against same-sex marriage, how will the verdict affect you?
Abhishek: Legal backing will help same-sex couples to come out. It will eliminate the fear of ostracism. After being declared legal, these people can say that what they are doing is not wrong.
Personally, our life will be easier. We can adopt children. We can nominate each other in a lot of documents and buy properties together. When we got married, we didn’t know whether it would be made legal or not.
Chaitanya: If we see the hearing, we are looking at the fundamental rights and in India, our fundamental rights are connected to the Marriage Act. The nominee for PF (Provident Fund), by default, is a spouse. It makes me single even though I am married.
Abhishek: It affects me psychologically.
Chaitanya: If there is a medical emergency, Abhishek will not be able to sign on the consent form for me.
Abhieshk: If something happens to us, my immediate family members would be my sister, and for him, his mother. Even if I want to leave some valuables for him, they can come and claim it.
Chaitanya: Legal inheritance is an issue. In India, if anyone cannot have these fundamental rights, then the person is living without dignity. So, we are not living with dignity. There is no equality; heterosexual people have these rights.
What about adoption? Those opposing same-sex marriage say children’s growth in such families will be affected.
Chaitanya: One psychology body has mentioned that it would be good for the mental health of the upcoming generations because many die by suicide as they are not able to live like this. The 80 per cent of the population cannot decide how the remaining 20 per cent will live their lives.
Abhishek: All homosexual people are born out of heterosexual people. It doesn’t mean that homosexual parents raising a child will make the child homosexual. It is a personal choice. I faced a lot of bullying in school, won’t want it for the child. These arguments are just for the sake of opposition.
Chaitanya: It sounds baseless. There are heterosexual couples who go through bad divorces where the child faces a lot of issues.
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